Are you limiting yourself by searching for “that” person?
I have personally been successful developing relationships organically. Which means I do not search for anyone. I relish getting to know people. Some energies I gravitate to, and I just want to know who they are. Sometimes it develops into a crush and sometimes it does not. Some become long term or deep friendships, some do not. I have found that leaving myself open to connections results in profound friendships as well as romantic relationships.
When I hear stories shared, I believe organic connections are less frustrating and limiting. Additionally, when we narrowly focus on a specific type or predefined criteria, we risk encountering harmful individuals or missing out on meaningful connections that don’t fit our initial mold. It’s essential to acknowledge this potential harm, even if it falls outside my expertise.
For an established couple, being open is even more important because you may find yourselves disappointed in your search. My nesting partner, for instance, tried unsuccessfully searching on my behalf for many years. Though he is my nesting partner and we have been best friends since college, he may have an idea of my ideal person, but it goes beyond the physical and the surface personality.
How do I feel when I share information and is it reciprocated, or I touch the person and there is a charge? How can I tell if that person is a “match” if I only see a picture? If there is a description of the person, it might help. It is possible to connect through printed words. In addition, his search also looked for a person that would also be interested in him.
I believe the beauty of polyamory is the openness to love. Love in a way that brings you joy. Connect intimately with another person. Instead of chasing an idealized version of a person, we should embrace the potential for authentic relationships.
That selfishness adds to the likelihood of failure because what he convinces himself to believe is that he is looking for someone for me when subconsciously, or secretly-consciously, he is searching for someone he is attracted to. That might be fine for the swing lifestyle but not for polyamory. No one should be “looking” for your love but you.
Finding and creating love requires your whole being. Your five senses. Your self-understanding of your needs and boundaries. Your current self. Your openness to receive and reciprocate. This is a person you willingly share your time with, your space, and your needs. Let me know if you need help in the process.