Polyamory agreements, also known as relationship agreements, are mutual understandings or pacts made between partners, typically arrived at through discussion and negotiation. Relationship agreements are more flexible than rules and are based on mutual consent and ongoing communication. They allow for renegotiation as circumstances change and as the relationship evolves. Examples of agreements might include scheduling regular check-ins about feelings or establishing guidelines for communicating about new partners, including the use of protection. Relationship agreements, polyamory agreements, look different for each couple.
An agreement in my primary home is our master bedroom. I learned with a past partner that I felt very uncomfortable having another person share my “marital” bed. I wanted nothing to do with him while we were in that bed. I pretended to sleep just to avoid contact and affection. It also bothered me to know that my nesting partner slept with his other partners in “our” bed. These are my issues, however. I shared my discomfort with my nesting partner. Out of consideration for me, we agreed to sleep in other beds in the house with our other partners. I believe if we had made it a rule, then it would feel as if I was imposing my discomfort upon my nesting partner, which could lead to resentment and possibly spiteful action. Additionally, if he really has no issues with other women in our bed and that’s what he wanted, it is on me to find a way to cope. I know I would not have another partner in that bed. Interestingly, I have no issues with our mutual partners in our bed. I am appreciative that my nesting partner is willing to compromise for me.
Resource
Have you read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? It’s a self-help book that draws on ancient Toltec wisdom to offer a code for living a life of personal freedom and true happiness. The book presents four key agreements that can transform one’s life. These agreements help guide a life of peace and personal fulfillment by breaking self-limiting beliefs and fostering a new set of empowering agreements with oneself.
Be Impeccable with Your Word: Speak with integrity and say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t Take Anything Personally: Understand that nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Do you have any agreements with your partner(s)? Share in the comments below.
